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  • Tara Foulkes

Don't beat yourself up...

Have you ever mulled over something that you have done, or dwelled upon something that you have said to someone before? I’m sure you have; we all do this.

Have you ever gone back to the person you spoke to and said something about the thing you were dwelling on?

A friend of mine did this. All summer they dwelled about it, then apologised to the person next time they saw them, but the person couldn’t remember what they were talking about, or, what they were referring too? Have you ever done that?

This is called catastrophizing, its where we replay something over in our minds, but then our head gets involved and starts adding bits to it and putting a different angle to the situation. The thing is although our brains are wonderful, they aren’t always right. They like to add bullshit along the way to spice things up a little.

Reflecting on ourselves can be a really useful tool, but, it’s when you start overthinking situations that it can become harming and stressful.

I shared an article on Facebook from Psychology Today discussing this. The author gives a great suggestion on rationalising your thought process. Simply ask yourself “Would I say what I just said to myself to someone whom I like and respect?”. The chances are you probably wouldn’t.

We can be so hard on ourselves, but, we have to remember that we are only human and we will make mistakes and say things that we regret, but you know what, all of us are doing exactly the same thing. The world moves so fast that even if you made a whopping mistake, time heals and people move on.

Mindfulness can also play a great part here, instead of thinking/ dwelling/ catastrophizing just think about what you are doing when you are doing it, such as, working out, washing up, driving etc etc. Don’t allow your brain to take a bullshit journey, it’s not useful or helpful.

So the next time you find yourself “doing your own head in” consider if you would say it aloud to someone you like and respect? Or just think, I’m not perfect, never will be and move on...

I discuss this and other cognitive biases we can fall victim to in our Control your Anxiety hypnotherapeutic course coming soon @alloquor.

Have a great day everyone, please share this article if you like what you read.


Eurich, Tasha, 2017. How to stop beating yourself up about your mistakes. Psychology Today. Retrieved from:


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